love flows

 

beach, love, mindfulnessthrough you, through me,

love flows and sets us free.

love, beach, mindfulnessToday, my only goal is to exhale, deeply.

Exhale back into space and time, my home, my kids.

Our last summer farmer’s market was Thursday, and although we will continue harvests for our CSA and our weekend market for another seven weeks, these last many weeks, from September until now, are the crazy-making time on the farm.  The nearly too much time of the year, the so very much food in the fields, the explosion, the reverse of the calm before the storm.  The storm, before the sweet calm.

And doubling up on markets to boot.

A friend asked me earlier this year if our work out here on the farm and in the shop felt sustainable, and I responded then, not quite in the thick of the busiest time yet, that I had come to accept that our summers were not a picture of balance.  In fact, for so long I kept trying to find balance until I finally got a clue and changed my perspective on the whole thing.  Balance, at certain times in your life story, isn’t the right word to be searching for.

But things do need to be sustainable, and I knew then, when I answered her, that it was sustainable because it wasn’t this busy all the time.  We have a little dark side of the cycle out here in the winter, a time of rest, and it regroups us, even if it is nearly impossible to remember this during the wild ride of September.

Nevertheless, we are here now, slowing down.  The summer crops are spent, the fall and winter crops are growing still, but slowly, soon to stop for the year and simply await harvest or flowering, come spring.  The leaves are changing color too, which out here means yellow.  Golden, against the ever present green and the turning to brown all around.  These colors, this time, it stirs you, in the deep parts.

I want to let go of all that intensity, and fall back into my heart, the only place that matters.  The trappings of life, even a good and happy life with days of living free, on a farm, and working hard, can oddly still detach us from the heart of the matter.  The point of this whole mysterious thing that falls between our first and our last breath.

Love.

And why this takes so much intention to hold onto, is really the mystery to me, but I know it, deep down, and I return to it as often as I can remember to.

So, today, at least, I have enough space around me, in what is to come this week, to really see these sweet faces around me, to know that I won’t have to worry about my-busy versus their-needs.  It is a relief, for me.  I am the worst multi-tasker.

You see, the truth is, I don’t want to be anything at all, really, when I grow up.  Why should we be something?  I just want to be love and be present, in this love.

That is really why I came here in the first place.

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11 thoughts on “love flows

  1. “You see, the truth is, I don’t want to be anything at all, really, when I grow up. Why should we be something? I just want to be love and be present, in this love.
    That is really why I came here in the first place.”

    Thank you for this. Now in what I call semi-retirement, I spend a lot of energy trying to figure out what I should do and be next. And I really don’t know, and I really don’t want to be anything except to be present and loving and caring for my family and my students. I’ve been worrying that maybe what I wanted wasn’t enough. But maybe it is exactly enough. Again, thank you. Deb

    • It feels like there is so much emphasis on this these days, and we feel like we have to be something or be doing something to define ourselves. Of course we fill our days and do things, but I realized this when my parents passed away, and so now I try to hold onto it and remember it always–what really matters in the end is not what we accomplished but how well and much we loved and showed kindness. Blessings to you!

  2. If only there was out there more people thinking like you and like me, the world would be so much nicer!!! Let’s carry on then, let’s keep loving and caring and hopefully our children, or their children, will one day make this planet more liveable and free from hatred!
    Peace to you my friend.
    Loredana

  3. Fall always feels crazy and intense to me, too. A big shift in energies and a last heave before settling in, settling down. I love how the seasons can remind us to just breath in, breath out, and Be.

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