It was with very deep sadness and great shock that we learned that one of our CSA members and dear friends passed away suddenly last Sunday. A beautiful young woman who was truly one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, this kind of news feels impossible to believe or understand, but when her husband stopped by the veggie pick up this week, alone, without her, it truly hit me that the previous Thursday when I saw her shining, smiling face really was the last time I would ever see her.
As always, when something like this happens–and unfortunately, the last several years have been filled with people passing on from this life at younger ages than feels right–I am always reminded of the extreme fragility of life. The trivial things shine in all their triviality. A feeling of frustration with a loved one shows in its nonsense, its waste of time.
I wish we were able to remember this all the time, that all we have is this moment and it is worth all of our attention, all of our effort to make it a good one, to love with an open heart, everyone and everything around us. But for some reason, this is altogether not what we do and I suppose that is part of being human too, even though the more we remember, the better we spend our time, whatever amount that will be, in this life. And her husband, who has every right to be bitter and angry, repeatedly told me that there should be nothing negative, nothing sad, only the good, brought to the table in our remembrance and celebration of her life.
And so, that is what I am trying to do. He is amazing, she was amazing. And we all have the choice to be amazing too; and even when we aren’t (because we are human after all), the very next moment in time we have another chance to try again.
This year, we have spent a lot of time trying to figure out the very best way to work this farm so that it provides us with enough of a living to not be stressed and to be able to provide for the things in our life we need and the extras we find important enough to spend money on, but as to equally support us living the life we want, which involves having time and fun with each other and our friends and family, because we know that this is what will matter the most to us whenever our time comes–how well we spent our time with each other more than anything else.